“I want to do that!”
I have said that a million times as I scroll endlessly through a carefully curated feed of content on my phone.
“What a clever idea!”
“I wish i would have thought of that.”
“Maybe one day I will go there.”
Some of the things I see are big and impressive and incredible, others… are basic. Some guy who plays a video game. Another who who just goes on walks or listens to an audiobook.
You know, now that I think about it… when was the last time I just… did something for fun?
What happened to boredom? And what happened to living just for the sake of living and not because I’m trying to copy someone else or curate content?
As amazing as smartphones are, we have a problem now. They rob us of our time, and suck us into this blackhole of never ending content where our brain is constantly conditioned to to compare our experience of life to literally EVERYONE ELSE. And i don’t know about you, but it gets depressing after a while. I used to do things, I used to enjoy life and spend time with people and get out of the house, but now?
Swipe. Swipe. Swipe.
Endlessly. It never leads anywhere. It all seems so inspiring and motivating and informative, and yet… not a single one leads anywhere. The lie of doomscrolling is that “I’m learning” or “I’m getting ideas” or “one day I’ll do that!” but yet, we can never actually put the phone down long enough to create energy to do the things that we want to do!
Now, while you are not to blame (you have a billion dollar weapon in your pocket that was specifically engineered to hijack your brain), you are responsible to break the loop. Only you can do it. But… if you’re anything like me, you delete the apps only to find yourself redownloading them again in a week or a month.
You want to change, but, when you’re surrounded by everyone who is sending your reels and you are trying NOT to be consumed by social media, it begins to feel… like you are swimming agianst the current. Every time you open your phone, you feel the urge to just check back in. Only for a moment. Just see what is going on, or watch that one thing, or do that one thing, or just send one message.
Then boom. You’re right back in it again. One thing leads to the next, and you have 4 social media apps on your phone and you’re doomscrolling at 3am on the toilet and your cat judging you silently in the corner.
Then the loop repeats again.
Delete apps. get clean for a bit, feel better, feel the itch, download again.
I’ve been doing this for a while, and even with exceptionally mindful use of my phone, I find my will power is drained over time slowly. And even with nothing fun to do on the phone, I still have a screentime of 5 hours a day.
Why? Oh… i downloaded youtube again, just for random in between moments.
I had enough. Time to break the loop.
I got a dumbphone. $20 on Amazon delivered to my door that evening.
Activate the phone. I feel nervous switching my line to it…. somehow it feels unsafe. Can I even navigate my life with a dumbphone? My mind whispers endlessly that something will go wrong, that I need the smartphone. That I “can make it work, just delete the app and try again.”
I set up call forwarding to the new dumphone, and turn off my iPhone for the night.
I stare at the flip phone. Explore the menu options. And 5 minutes later, put it down. I don’t even think to check it the rest of the night.
This is UN-HEARD-OF. My iPhone doesn’t leave my side, even if I walk from the couch to the kitchen, it comes with me. it’s glued to me like an extension of my body, and yet this flip phone? Eh… it’s around here somewhere.
The next day I go to work. I arrived 30 minutes early and I’m sitting in the parking lot. Suddenly I have 30 minutes of no smart phone time to kill… and boy do I feel the weight of that time. Time slows down, I stare out the windows and think about life. I find myself wondering what I could fill this time with. Maybe a book? I used to read. Maybe some music? Maybe even a gameboy or something?
The idea of the 30 minutes unentertained felt intense at first but i just sink into it and allow the space to breathe.
I get into work, and then proceed to have the most intense flow state/focus that I’ve had in weeks. ADHD makes these things difficult at times. But today I’m locked in. Co-workers notice the flip phone and ask me about it. No big deal. But I barely think about the phone let alone reach for it.
Lunch comes. I take the flip phone and nothing else. I sit in the booth at the restaruant and look around me. Every head in the room is bowed as everyone stares at their own screen. I feel a sense of unease. When did this happen? Hmm… I sit there, feel the expanse of time again. My break feels longer, an hour feels like an hour again. I go back to work. The second half of my day was insanely productive again. I work like a beast, flow state activated, my mind is sharp and focused. The typical ADHD symptoms of scattered focus and executive dysfunction are not bothering me.
I am locked in.
The last time I felt this focused was when I was working under tremendous stress and fear and anxiety. For people with ADHD, their body releases adrenaline which can help them focus and get work done, but often times they have to wait until the last minute to do this, when the stress of an approaching deadline triggers the adrenaline.
This is different.
To be honest… I can’t tell you the last time I was this focused and got work done like this (when I wasn’t going down a dopamine fueled rabbithole that I had no control over)
I drive home and think about the day. I didn’t get a single call or text all day. My phone is largely used for doomscrolling, navigation, audiobooks, texting.
With some clever re-arranging, the pro’s far outweigh the cons here.
I get home, end of day 1 with the dumbphone, and I love what I see so far. It’s more of me… my mind felt so good today. I want more of this, not the stupid phone.
3 days later, the iPhone has taken over again. My reluctance to fully commit kept the door open. Pretty soon that flip phone gets left at home.
I decided to up the commitment and go all in. I ended up buying a Cat S22 Android based flip phone. From what I can see, the phone doesn’t have to be a dumbphone per say. It just needs to be annoying enough to use that I can’t get sucked into it.
It is sitting at my front door right now, and I plan to set it up this evening. I’m sure it will suck, and i’m very excited.
I’ll post follow up soon.